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Thursday, March 6, 2008
yesterday after jazz. mom got really worried when i dint pick up my phone . cause jazz class ended late . i dont seem to be improving in jazz. how ? how can i improve ? why aint i improving . really i wanna do well and excel in jazz. yes . ppl that have been in jazz for years . didnt get called up . ya i know . i cant over estimate myself. i cant expect sheila to call me up .when those experienced dancers wasnt even called up . am i not improving ? i doubt i am . the mom waited for me for half an hour .she got really worried. i dont know for what reason cause its only half an hour . and im seventeen ! well , almost . in a few days time . she came out of the car however she didnt know which level the studio was at . so she couldnt find me . i felt super guilty bout it .
then i went for it fair today . i wanted to get the i pod . cause its like 100 dollars cheaper . i tried telling mom . she deliberately not reply my message . she's not getting me one . she's only paying half of it . for my birthday present . and she said she'll get me a lap top only after she got money. that'll probably be like when i graduate from poly !? hai . i dont freaking care. im still getting a i pod TOUCH anyway . anyway er jie got her mp4 already . samsung touch screen with blue tooth function .
some days just freak me out . is it mood swing ? some times i just feel like crying and screaming out loud . is it school ? i just feel really frustrated . i miss my friends . and i hate school . i miss last year . i miss hanging after school with my friends . with mrs ong . i miss quarreling with shuwei . i miss choreographing dances with shuwei and making her copy all those steps so she could teach me . i miss studying with one whole lot of ppl . and always ended up talking and laughing . i miss going to hua han's house and always falling alseep when they play majong . im just freaked out by o levels? how if i dont make it into poly . how if i cant make it into courses i want ?
i went to lao shi's house today to help her with some recording . i sound super stupid can . shi ying and i cant stop laughing . we sounded so SINGAPOREAN . ahh who cares la . anyway then i told lao shi i dont wanna dance for speech day . firstly i dont see a point for me to dance anyway . not that they need me or something . secondly though it'll be my last performance but i really dont wish to commit myself to this crap . i'll be having lots of lessons and anyway it will have to skip dance. furthermore i dont mind having the cny dance as my last dance perf. cause i had a great time . i had my solo i had my fun and i had a good experience learning something new. and of course i dint tell her all these la . she kept asking . what is it ? why dont i wanna dance? i have to tell her so that she'll know whats the prob. isit cause the dance is not nice? actually i think part of it is i dont wanna do something boring and useless ? i dont know . cause its like i find it(or rather myself) a bit redundant. my fav routine is still genting trip one . completed in 3 days . yet it was the most meaningful and beautiful routine we did . not only did it create a bond between us . the story was nice . and i love my solos . the routine is about us , the dancers , having a great time together . and finally i had to leave. and we had some hard time bidding good bye. something like that .i was a bit contem . really nice . who dont love solos ? i mean like seriously ? i love every piece of solo i did . from a simple one for teacher's day during sec 1 . choreographed by jennifer. then my first syf piece in cvss . also by jennifer. then my part in the cny dance. as some stupid flower fairy ( just like 1 eight or less) by the china instructor . to genting to national day to band concert to cny performance ......... ya u get it .
